When sleep comes easily, when the bird lets you stroke it more than once, when you find that giving outweighs receiving. when the joy felt from receiving is overwhelmingly simply felt, when the cat purrs next to you and your pups come to you by name, when you feel competitive but winning is not as important, when you are who you do not pretend to be, when your adult child says I miss you and you sit at her table as a friend, listening to her words and how she thinks … then you know.